Only Fools And Horses - The Scripts Vol 1

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Del – You listen to me you vicious little git! I may never walk again for the rest of… (Realising he is standing) How did you manage that? I’ve been trying to date her for ages – and bear in mind who’s talking here. I’ve had to employ a secretary to handle all my dates! Del – Cheese! Cheese? Well, it’s a good job I bought all this grub then innit, eh? If it was left up to you the poor little cow’d have been down for Welsh rabbit. Trigger – Yeah, in a couple of months, that’s what she came up for – to buy herself a wedding dress in Oxford street.

Albert – She was annoyed when she said that. You see it’s like a chapter of my life is coming to a close. Del – No, no. I’m enjoying the company and I’m not gonna have it spoilt by some soppy problem in New York. These Yanks have gotta learn to make decisions for themselves. Trigger – (Cont’d) That’s what I like about this agency, you know where you stand with ’em – they insist on honesty. Del – Mais oui, mais oui. Well, I’ve booked a table at my favourite restaurant – if that is alright with you? Albert – (Singing) ‘Driving across the desert, sixty miles an hour. We are the eight battalion, and what a bloody shower. We can’t speed up, we can’t slow down, the gear-box is in upside-down. We are the eight battalion. Royal Engineers.’Del – Oh right, ‘ere listen… You didn’t have to go to all this trouble – cooking a meal and what’avyer. I told you I was gonna take you out. Coveney, Michael (24 April 2011). "John Sullivan obituary". The Guardian . Retrieved 31 January 2023. Agent – (Cont’d) Ah, now there’s a lady here who may suit. Obviously a refined lady, she’s on the board of governors of an arts fund committee. Thirty-eight years old.

Rodney – The weathermen are also forecasting a boiling hot summer! So come May or June we can sell all of that or swop it for something else! Rodney has one of those plastic bottles (plant spray) and he is spraying cold water over both dolls. They rush to the van.Del – There’s gotta be something wrong with him! He was none too clever before he fell down the hole! Del – No chance of that happening with Rodney, is there? World War Three! This plonker can’t even get channel three! Standing on a heater plate we have a large casserole pot, from which Mike is spooning beef stew into two He opens the two fridges and we see they are full of boxes of tomatoes. Del exits to the bedroom area, carrying his cordless phone. Del – Yeah, exactly. I just thought y’know that you being an actress you’d meet lots of people – on the film sets and that sort of thing.