Dead Inside

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At the same time, it questions how such spiritual beliefs may be challenged or undermined by scientific rationalism. That is the conclusion I've come to. If you ever hear that name come out of any character's mouth, just know they are EdGy little shits.

The Dead Inside is a compelling memoir written by the author Cyndy Drew Etler. Cyndy was a troubled teen in the 80's who had some experiences that aren't all that uncommon. She was making wrong choices while trying to find her place in the world. She spends some of her time smoking weed and drinking alcohol with her friends, until she finally runs away from home because she just can't take her family anymore, especially her step-dad, Jacque. There were things going on in that house that no child should ever have to succumb to. After making the decision to enter Foster Care, Cyndy finally has some peace. She's able to still see her friends, have a safe environment and doesn't have to deal with the turmoil from home. It's not long after that, at the age of 14, her mother decides to throw her into a drug rehabilitation for throwaway kids who are deemed out of control. Cyndy is told that she is under evaluation for three days and she's counting down the minutes to when she can leave and she'll do whatever it takes, including lying. Straight, Inc. will now be Cyndy's home for 16 months.

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It is clear from reading this book that Chandler Morrison has crafted an insightful look into the complex world of human emotions and how those can both empower and cripple us in equal measure. In this novel, readers are presented with a complex story of human struggle and the power of redemption. Chandler Morrison’s Dead Inside is an exploration into the inner depths of human suffering, fear and pain.

So yeah I am quite shooketh to say the least. And after every twisted thing I just read what I'm the most surprised by, is the 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐇𝐔𝐌𝐎𝐑 the book had. I was ready for being disturbed or grossed out but i was not prepared to be amused, and by that i do mean me laughing my ass off at how absurdly funny some of the quotes were. And I have No shame whatsoever admitting this. She presents the horrors that occurred there in a vivid and true portrayal of what it was like to be a teenager in one of the most damaging, violent, "soul breaking" rehabs that America has seen. I think what I loved the most about this book is the writing style. I love how poetic this book is. The metaphors stated here were beautifully painted in my mind as I read them. The mention of some old music is amazing too. (Shine On You Crazy Diamond and The Wall by Floyd are my favorites.) While reading this book, I felt like I was either watching a sad 90’s movie or listening to a friend talk. It was an easy read but the contents are not easy on my eyes and my heart. And that’s okay. I think I can take that.

Throughout the book, I kept screaming, "RUN! RUN!" Because Straight CLEARLY is a dangerous place to be. It somewhat reminded me of the Stanford Prison Experiment. When someone suggests they are "dying inside," it might have a few different meanings depending on the context. It could mean that they feel empty and hopeless. It can also be an expression people use when they are so upset or embarrassed by something that they cope by numbing their emotions. In some cases, people use the expression to indicate a state of intense humor that can't be expressed overtly for social reasons.